Quite a long time ago I wanted to write about what I am going through.
But only now I can try to distinguish between what's right and what's wrong in my life.

All my life I was so sure about who I am, and what I want to do. I was skipping a lot of lessons at school only because I had rehearsals with my piano teacher.
I've been through small and serious fights with my family. They didn't support me becoming a musician.
But I was so inlove with music.. and maybe I still am. No, not maybe.. I am, for sure.
When I look back on my life, the first thing I see - is music.

But what is now? I just cut everything off. I don't even touch any of my instruments anymore. Neither a piano, nor a guitar..
My brain is exploding. So many thoughts, so many doubts.

My achievements rocketed up so quickly, that I didn't notice how fast and deep down I fell.
I lost on the battle field. And didn't find a way to get up and continue reaching and fighting for my dream..

It's too late to change something now.. I am still going to follow the plan - have the IELTS examination, and go to the UK.
I need a fresh start.
I have a feeling though.. that this time next year my life will be changed upside down.

I won't let go music off my life. I need it.
I will definitely continue living in it. Even if it will be only for myself.

It was an experiment. The result is clear: I have this illness of music. Even if I pretend that I can live without it - in some time all symptoms come up.
I need it as much as I need the air to breathe.

***
I found this photo on my computer.
It was about 2 years ago.